The Stress Factory


We create our own stress. I create my own stress.

People always tell me how calm and cool I look. From the outside, I resemble a nonchalant individual whose stoic demeanor rarely conveys angst or excitement. Little do they know that internally is a factory constantly churning out layered thoughts and emotions. Always thinking, always scheming, always reflecting. The mental cogs are perpetually turning, so mechanical wear and tear are bound to happen. But I stay calm and cool on the outside. I try not to mask anything, rather containing it until I find the need to unpackage it in a blog piece or an honest conversation over drinks.

I create my own stress. I have standards as high as the atmosphere for everything and everyone, myself included, and it’s draining to be the lone robot that’s always trying to “figure it out” rather than taking the whats right in front of me. I know for a fact that I’m winning, but I make myself think that I’m losing. 

I create my own stress. I want to build a lasting legacy that’ll live on forever rather than fade like last minute’s thought, but monetary pressures intensify my pursuit. I got my MBA to help me get paid for my skills and to avoid paying dues, but in actuality, I’m looking for a payday to pay back that debt. I work hard on current tasks, but I work just as hard to set up the next opportunities.

I create my own stress.  I allow my mind to diverge off course towards restricted boundaries caused by nostalgic triggers or failed attempts to replace Her that end up only reminding me of Her. I trick myself into thinking I’m close to someone so far. It’ll be nice if someone comes along and kicks Her out, but DVSN and Majid Jordan aren’t helping. 

I create my own stress. It feels like I’m forcing an octagon into a triangle hole. New York City understands me now the way Los Angeles used to and I’m just trying to make things work because I’ll feel guilty if I leave anytime soon. But I started shedding the cold steel built by the concrete jungle and reassembling as a new model close to WALL-E. I care more about more in Los Angeles whereas I didn’t care about much in New York City.

We create our own stress. I create my own stress. 

We create our own reality. I create my own reality.